Rules Are For Fakin

Rules. As a child you resent them and as a parent you are in a position to make them. I had a lot of rules growing up and I loved to announce that the day I turned eighteen I would be able to do whatever I wanted. Right, because that is how the world works. My dad would calmly explain to me that adults still have to follow rules, but I was not convinced. I fully believed he was part of the conspiracy of adult rule makers. I was a brat. Of course I did grow up and come to the sad realization that rules still exist. Except now I can appreciate the need for law and order (and I do not mean the TV show that is on forty times each day - that is just unnecessary). Case in point - I am very glad that people are not allowed to break into my house. I am being facetious but let us be honest, rules can be arbitrary and more often than not, exceptions exist. In fact, I did break into my own house today when my dear husband could not find the keys (they were in his pocket). Maybe President Obama will read this and invite me to the White House for a beer. How about the rule that makes eighteen-year olds adults in the first place. Not that some eighteen-year olds are not mature, but let's just say if I had to come up with ten words to describe myself at that age, "adult" would not make the list.

So what do I think of rules now that I am a parent? It is the first time in my life that I have had the power to make rules for someone else. Like many people, I had rigid ideas as to what type of parent I would become. Be honest, who among us has not looked askance at a child throwing a temper tantrum in the toy aisle at Target, or witnessed a mother giving her child his fifth cookie and shuddered inwardly, positive that OUR children would be little angels who would follow all of our carefully laid out rules. The perspective is slightly different when your child is the one screaming. I figured I would never resort to cosleeping for fear of starting an unbreakable habit. And I didn't - until my poor baby got his six-month shots and was miserable with a slight fever. After getting up and going into his room twice an hour until two A.M., I wised up and broke my own rule. He slept peacefully between us for the rest of the night. Hey, life happens. Admittedly, I am somewhat of a schedule Nazi, but sometimes Aiden misses a nap, he is not always asleep by seven, I am never asleep by ten - you get the picture. We have to amend our rules as we go along, and sometime we just have to break them ourselves. Join me while we fumble our way through raising our children, thinking we have it all figured out until the next tooth, the next sleepless night, the next tantrum, when we are reminded that we are basically making it up as we go along. We do the best we can in the situations presented to us. I am lucky - my son is only six months old. One day he will question the rules and even break them (gasp). Some rules will remain set in stone (hey this is my fantasy) while others will be more fluid. Will my child call my bluff, throw a wrench in my plans, and question my authority? Of course. I dread the day when I am caught unprepared, when I do not have an answer. When that day comes, I can always result to "Because I said so" translation: "I do not know why I am enforcing this rule, but follow it anyway".

I'm Back

So we have been having some computer issues lately - and by computer issues I mean lack of a functioning computer. Thanks to the generosity of my mom and an early Christmas gift, I am typing this post on my brand new green dell mini computer. Basically this is just a random blog post to get me back on the blogging bandwagon. Maybe no one missed reading, but I did miss blogging during that few weeks in technology limbo. It makes me wonder what we did before technology. Our grandparents grew up playing with sticks and pieces of yarn, and our children cannot entertain themselves for five minutes without playing Nintendo WI while training virtual Nintendo DS dogs and pausing only long enough to update their facebook status to read, "Jeremy is sooooooo booooored!!!!". Not that I am blaming the kids. Where did they learn it from? Once our laptop sputtered out its last heroic breath, I literally did not know what to do with myself during Aiden's naptime. Twenty minutes of freetime and no computer to kill it with? The injustice. I even resorted to cleaning the bathrooms - while listening to the TV and texting my friend, of course. Speking of phones, my own mother recently told me how nervous she was when she got halfway to an appointment and realized that she had forgotten her cell phpone at home. I would have told her to calm down if not for the fact that I had left her three messages, worried that I could not get ahold of her for a full hour. A lesser woman might have asked, "Are you my daughter or my parole officer?", but my mom simply said that she generally NEVER goes anywhere without her cell phone. Did she stay sequestered in her house for the better portion of her life waiting for this freeing technology? How did we survive? I guess it just goes to show that you cannot miss what you never had. It sounds like my time is up. Now I will be the entertainer for the next ten hours. Well, me and my assistants, ball that lights up and rolls and bear that sings and talks. Hey, if those things fail I could always get Aiden his very own laptop. Maybe he will start his own blog. After all, he is going on seven months old.

A Day To Be Thankful

Ah, The Holidays. Sometimes we (and by we I mean me) spend too much time running around being busy and worrying about mundane things, like how long it has been since I have washed the windows and what my in-laws would think if they saw my house in such disarray. So there you have it. I worry to much and I bitch too much, if you have not noticed. I'm human. But here at the end of this hectic day, at the risk of turning into a detergent commercial, I want to take some tiome to respect what the day is really about. I do have alot to be thankful for so here is my list. Feel free to add your own.

1. My baby of course!

2. My wonderful Husband

3. Family

4 Friends who have remained constant throughout all of life's changes

5. Health

6. A roof over my head

7. Heat

8. A car that runs

9. My cats

10. The fact that this computer has not frozen once in the time I have been typing this.

11. Freedom

12. Earplugs :)

Of course I have many more, but I will leave it at that. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

What's Your Philosophy?

So I know that I have beaten the food issue to death, but may I say a word about the spitting, or "razzing" as child development experts would have it. Don't ask me why it took an expert to call spitting "razzing" but apparently it is a developmental milestone. Seriously. My little boy has mastered this skill while eating. While I am being showered by pears I uselessly state in my best stern mommy voice, "Aiden, we do not spit. When you spit it makes Mommy angry". I know, I know, you are probably thinking that I am a little early expecting a six-month old to respond to discipline. Or, depending on which parenting philosophy you follow, you might think I have missed the boat completely and I am about 5 and a half months too late in establishing my authority. This would mean you follow the Babywise method and you believe in strictly regulating every aspect of your child's life, such as when they eat, sleep, and poop. Has this method every actually worked for anyone? Can we say control issues? Of course, we could go the complete opposite route and follow RIE parenting, which basically tells us we must never confine our children or pick them up without asking their permission. I can honestly say I have never once said, "Aiden, would you mind terribly if I picked you up now?" This is very similar to the TCS method, which believes that children should not be forced to do anything, basically a lack of dicipline. Bring in the future Nanny 911 stars. Now, I have to admit that AP or Attachment Parenting has good intentions. Good old Dr. Sears was right in his assessment that children do need to be nurtured, probably more than we once realized. That being said, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. Does anyone ever get any sleep in the family bed, and how do these parents ever have more than one child, if you know what I mean. I will not be breastfeeding when my child is heading off to grade school. Enough said. So what is my parenting philosophy? It is something I like to call CSP or Common Sense Parenting. Much like Dr. Atkins, child experts each have their own extreme form of parenting, and each "expert" is convinced that his way is the only way, and if you do not follow it to a T you might as well send your kids to juvie now. By the way, these parenting schools are governed largely by men who may or may not actually have children. Anyway, in my CPS school, I follow my instincts. I learn a little more each day and I know my son. When he is hungry I feed him, when he is tired, I attempt (often unsuccessfully) to get him to nap, and when he spits, well I have not quite figured this one out yet but I think I have time to learn. The point is no one knows your child like you do, and you know what is best. Like fad diets, these parenting techniques will continue to go in and out of style faster than jean jackets. Before adopting (falling for?) any of them, trust your instincts and remember that Dr. Atkins weighed 248 pounds at the time of his death. I am just saying.

Sweet Potatoes and... Just Kidding!

Sorry to disappoint, but this blog post is not about sweet potatoes. In fact, it is not even about my baby, or anybody's baby, except maybe for the one in Dr. Phil's son's wife's uterus. As far as I can see, other than being the daughter-in law of the great Dr. Phil, the only thing she has done to get famous is get pregnant. Oh, and she is a triplet. Kudos to her. Would someone please tell her that she is not the first woman to have ever gotten pregnant? She has already been on three different day time talk shows - not that I watch a lot of TV. Which brings me to my point: why is Dr. (expletive) Phil (insert obscenity here) everywhere? I cannot turn on the TV without seeing his big bald head. He has most recently been featured on Rachel Ray, The Doctors, and The View, to name a few. Where did he get his Psych degree and who in their right mind gave him a TV career? Oprah is another one. Try to innocently watch a Lifetime movie without reading the words "this movie is endorsed by Oprah". The woman even has her own book club and magazine. She does not even need a last name, she is just that important. Oprah has long sense joined the ranks of Hollywood's one-name wonders like Madonna, for example. Don't even get me started on Madonna. Here is my solution: Dr. Phil and Oprah should be transported to a desert island. Could the human race survive? How could we go on? How would we make day by day decisions without Dr. Phil's infinite wisdom?Let me tell ya, it would be a changing day in our lives. Of course, I am sure we would not be lost for long. Oprah would most likely buy herself, Dr Phil, and all the islanders a brand new yacht. She is just that charitable.

Pured Sweet Potatoes and Other Weapons of Mass Destruction Part II

Aiden has proven to be a good eater. He loves to eat anything at anytime. Well ok, I can't realy say anything since the only things he has eaten are cereal, sweet potatoes, squash, and carrots in that order. I think we are starting to get the hang of the whol solids thing. I give Aiden a paper towel to rip up while he is eating, keeping the rest of the roll close by and the bowl of nuclear powered food out of reach. Today I was brave and fed him his cereal while he was wearing pajamas and not just a bib and diaper. Hudge step forward, right? Okay, you caught me - I was just too lazy to take the jammies off since wardrobe changes had beat naps for the day four to 0. Needless to say, I had to change the pajamas anyway. Of course, that was only cereal. Now that Aiden has started carrots, my om loves to trell and retell the story of how, when I was a baby, she fed me so many carrots that my skin turned a shade of orange. I am happy to report that Aiden's skin has not yet turned orange, but everything else in our house has. Try to manuever a spoon full of carrots around two little hands playing drummer on the high chair tray and into a mouth that is constantly moving. Another side effect of solid food - carrots + baby = neon orange poop. Yes, you really did need to know that. You think that you didn't, but you did. If I have to clean it and smell it it's only fair that you have to read about it, right? Just be glad I did not post a picture. No, I did not take a picture of his poop, I am not that strange. Just in case I didn't mention this before, his food is orange. We are on orange vegetables. I never knew I would grow to hate the color orange so fervently. Aiden has learned the power of his hands and he now loves to not only grab but subsequently throw everything he can get them on. Did I mention that everything is orange?

Pureed Sweet Potatoes and Other Weapons of Mass Destruction

You know that old adage, "be careful what you wish for"? It tends to ring true. Time goes by so fast with a baby. Ten (yes ten, not nine) eternal months of pregnancy give way to five life altering months with a new baby that seem to have been on fast forward. Like any mother, I could not wait for my baby to sleep throught the night, and I was lucky in that it happened relatively early and easily *knocks on wood*. I also could not wait for my little boy to start eating "people food". Breastfeeding is healthy, it's economical, it is a bonding experience. It is also convenient - no bottles to warm or scrub. What they don't tell us is that sometimes it is a tiny bit inconvenient, like when your baby nurses every two hours for an hour and you have to try to get your grocery shopping done between feedings. I now grocery shop at the mercy of an invisible timer. Yes I am rambling. The point is that my baby has finally started solid food. The first step was rice cereal. I quickly learned to strip my poor child down to a bib and diaper for meal times to save on laundry. Cereal has made its way into clothes, on the carpet, in my hair, and on the cat. Some may occasionally even find its way into Aiden's mouth. At least it is white. The second step is to add orange vegetables. I am proud to report that today we got through an entire jar of sweet potatoes - and an entire roll of paper towels. I later found remnants of sweet potatoes behind Aiden's ears.Where did my newborn baby go? My life lessons for today are: 1.) Do not wish your child's babyhood away; the stages come and go way too quickly, and 2.) Wearing a white fleece while feeding your baby orange sweet potatoes is really not a bright idea.

NoT aLwAyS EaSy...

My son tends to wow people with his (mostly) easy going personality. From those who see him occasionally as well as from people who have never seen him before in their lives, I get comments like, " Oh, you don't know how EASY you have it!", and " He is such an EASY, QUIET baby". Now, let me be clear: I am very lucky and blessed, and Aiden is a sweet boy. Although he does not nap much, he started sleeping through the night at six weeks old. Yes, I know I am lucky. But, the infamous comment, "He NEVER cries!" is not true, and it would be odd if it were. Aiden does cry- he cries and he screams and he even kicks. Of course, he also smiles and laughs and squeals, which makes every fussy period a small price. Parenting is a lot of things. It is joyful, it is rewarding, it is terrifying, it is fulfilling, it is amazing, but it is not always easy and please please don't tell a mother that it is. And please don't speak in absolutes. Thank you for admiring my son's behavior, but the fact that he is in a good mood for the half hour you spend with him does not mean he is ALWAYS that way. My dad always used to say, "things are never absolute. Nothing is ever always or never". Actually I think it would be, "things are rarely absolute". No matter how difficult or easy each day is, we never stop loving our children. When he smiles, when he cries, when he sleeps like an angel and when he wakes at four A.M., When he throws tatrums as a toddler and draws me pictures in preschool, when he is a teenager and long after he moves out, I will always love my son. That part is always easy.

Running Away From Home...Then and Now

When I was about six or seven years old I decided to run away from home. Since this wasabout two decades ago, I forget the exact reason, but I am sure it had to do with something my parents made me do or would not allow me to do. I decided running away form home would grant me freedom. I packed up a backpack full of toys and a loaf of bread (seven-year olds don't think to pack clothes or soap), grabbed the dog and announced that I was running away. I made it to the corner, stopped and waited for my parents to call my bluff and come running after me, promising me all of the ice cream I wanted if I would just eturn home (unbeknowest to me, they were watching from the window the whole time, no dout laughing their asses off). I was not allowed to cross the street on my own and I was still afraid of the dark, so I decided to turn around.

Twenty years later I admit I still have fantasies about running away sometimes. Don't get me wrong, my life is extremely fulfilling, but I would like to think that we all have "running away" days. Why else to people go on vacations, go to movies, or bars for that matter. Anyway, I do not have running away fantasies for any profound reason. It has been raining for two weeks straight, my downstairs neighbor is apparently hard of hearing and makes a hobby out of blaring his music at four A.M. (my five month old does not wake me during the night, my neighbor does), and the garbage collectors broke my garbage can and then had the nerve to leave a note on it demanding that I replace it because it was too difficult to put it on the lift. The baby is teething and has learned the joys of screaming at the top of his lungs. Every time it rains rain water drips in through the top windows. Did I mention it has been raining for two weeks. So I wrestle the carseat down the stairs, load the baby in the car, and thank God that Starbucks has a drive through. Yea, I know, I should not be spending four dollars on a latte. Then I think, what if I filled the car with gas and just kept driving? Where would I end up? Hopefully somewhere warm, where it does not rain. How about the desert? You have to admit it is a liberating thought, leaving without a plan, going someplace where no one knows you. When I relayed my fantasy to Jim heb asked if I'd miss him. I told him I would text him our whereabouts. Needless to say, I did not run away. I drove across the street, paid for my over-priced latte, and returned home. At least this time I made it accross the street.

You Know You Are A Mom When...

1. You wear spit up more often than makeup.

2. You spend way to much time tracking someone else's bowel movements.

3. You consider 6:15 A.M. "sleeping in".

4. You would give away your savings for a nap.

5. On the days you do get a chance to shower you are left with itchy skin because you did not get a chance to rinse all the soap off before the baby demanded to be removed from his bouncer.

6. You have a new appreciation for coffee.

7. You can add "stain removal expert" to your resume.

8. You consider going to the bathroom by yourself with the door closed a mini vacation.

9. You think diapers are the best gift.

10. You used to look forward to parties and booze and now all you want is a shower and a snooze.

New At This

So I am now an official Mommy Blogger. This is my first attempt. I have joined the ranks of diaper changing, spit-up cleaning, onesie washing, cereal making, stay at home mommies. So I blog. May I just say that grocery shopping in the rain with a five-moth old who is teething would be way too easy without having to wait at the deli for twenty-five minutes while an eighty-year old lady orders six pounds of five different kinds of meat and uses words like "whatever", only to be treated rudely by the deli man. I am sorry I did not rmrber the exact name of the turkey, okay? May I also say that being with a five- month old thirteen hours a day is both the most rewarding and exhausting job I have ever had. May I also say that when people make comments like, "Oh, if he sleeps well at night it is ok that he doesn't nap" I want to throw a post-cereal diaper at their heads. Ahh the joys of motherhood. I do love my little boy.